An interview with UBC Thunderbirds head coach Kevin Hanson; a recap of the greatest Super Bowl ever; reaction to the Pau Gasol/Shaquille O’Neal trades; and an episode of Blindside featuring thoughts on the best/worst looking male athlete of all-time, the worst TV commercial of all-time, and the best sitcom theme song of all-time. Plus, Swatter and Larks campaign for delegates in a political battle for the ages.
The final seconds ticked away on an unforgettable Super Bowl, then time stopped … but Bill Belichick just kept on going.
The head coach of the New England Patriots couldn’t bear that one last tick of the University of Phoenix Stadium clock. It would appear not even the heat of the Arizona sun was as unbearable as the collective gaze of the millions who watched as Belichick and his perfection-seekers fell one win short of the goal they seemed to believe they were entitled to.
To be sure, the Patriots won some fans over during their headline-making run, but previously-indifferent fans were likely more swayed away from cheering for the juggernaut. No one cheers for the house in Black Jack and no one applauds when Bill Gates earns another billion. So if everyone truly loves the underdog, anyone not associated with the Pats surely was cheering for a moment like the one Sunday night when Belichick put his tail between his legs and hustled off the field even before the game was officially declared over.
Belichick, lauded regularly for his ability to make in-game zigs to other coaches’ zags and celebrated as one of the geniuses of the game, was undoubtedly exposed during the game — even if it was just a smudge — but he was doubly outted in those final seconds.
While the media and his minions gladly treated his tight-lipped curmudgeon act with revelry — as if it was the lovable part of the evil genius disguise — the truth of the matter is that Belichick is not a likable protagonist and Sunday he showed it in his most classless way.
He sought out Giants coach Tom Coughlin to shake his hand and, of course, everyone followed, making the playing field a sudden mass of humanity that took the spotlight from what should have been an all-about-the-Giants moment and turned it back on himself, one last selfish act in a season that was full of Belichick egotism.
Belichick coming on to the field will be forgotten — probably already has by many — and In the grand scheme of things that gesture amounts to very little considering the greatness of the game that was played. But leave it to Belichick to upstage the biggest sporting circus of the year and, somehow, get away with it without any reproof.
Afterwards, he was his typical self in the media — talking little, saying nothing — and giving all the answers no one wants to hear.
An abstract response like “they made more plays than we did” followed by an equally recondite and uninformative “we knew it was going to be a battle” is not what viewers and fans signed up for. It’s not asking much that, even after a heart-wrenching loss, a coach stands forward like a man and does what is part of the job description and deals with his questioners. Belichick, however, doesn’t fit that description.
On Sunday night, Bill Belichick showed himself as the classless knave. Ironic that, after 19 weeks of seeing him in front of us, it only took him one second to do it.
An interview with Brock Badgers head coach Ken Murray (15:15); an epic rant from David Larkins about the people of Ottawa “not getting it” (44:45); predictions for Superbowl XLII; and a very special edition of Blindside (51:47) featuring a choose-your-own-adventure for the ages, plus thoughts on the Miss America pageant, cheerleading, and the town of Morris. Also, Swatter and Larkins contemplate a career in professional wrestling.
An interview with Acadia Axemen head coach Les Berry; a recap of last week’s action across the CIS; NFL play-off picks, and the “greatest Blindside episode ever”, featuring thoughts on Facebook wedding photos, the stupidity of “Lost”, single men who have cats, and the musical stylings of the Weakerthans. Plus, David J. Larkins ranks the past five Brandon Bobcat coaches - Hemmings, Carrick, Berry, Craddock and Raimbault - and tells us who he’d prefer to play for.
David J. Larkins, we feel your pain.
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FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way!
KRAMER: What happened to the doll?
FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!
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As Frank Costanza would later reveal, the celebration of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. Traditionally, this takes place at the family dinner; you gather your family around, and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. We here at The Scrum don’t have a family dinner, but that didn’t stop me from creating a list of the top 15 sports people/organizations I had a problem with in 2007:
(Please note that most of these entries are drenched in copious amounts of sarcasm.)
#15-Kobe Bryant: You, sir, are pathetic. You want to be traded, you don’t want to be traded. You hate your teammates, you love your teammates. Sure, everything is nice and rosy now, but we all know it’s coming. It might happen after a 5-game losing streak in mid-January. It might happen a first round play-off exit, when one of the upper echelon Western Conference teams wipes the floor with your sorry face. We don’t know the time or the place, but we do know that your next hissy fit is a foregone conclusion. You, Kobe Bryant, are the worst teammate in the history of the NBA. You make me sick.
#14-Tim Donaghy: You’re on the list not because of your cheating scandal, per se, but because your cheating scandal gave my brother - who hates the NBA - joke-making material for years to come. Granted, your indiscretion did lead to a fantastic reference on my favorite (current) TV show, but that doesn’t make up for what you did. (1:20 into clip)
#13-Chris Myers: Most of my friends would rather watch the WNBA than listen to your in-game reports, but I never had a real problem with you. Until this happened.
#12-NFL coaches who call last-second time-outs to ice field goal kickers: I’m looking at you, Mike Shanahan. You too, Dick Jauron. The ‘last-second time-out that negates a dramatic game-winning field goal’ is the single worst thing to happen to the NFL since FOX started superimposing that giant ‘down & yardage’ graphic on the field prior to every snap. I hate that graphic.
#11-Tim Hardaway: Apparently, there is something wrong with that. At least according to you. It’s one thing to have a quiet, passive disdain for homosexuals (ie. Tony Dungy). But did you really say, “I hate gay people.” That was the wording you chose? To quote Brian Fantana, “Why don’t you stop talking for a while?”
#10-The people who think “SpyGate” is a big deal: Look, I’ve made it perfectly clear that I hate New England. Nothing on God’s white earth could make me happier than for eternal shame to fall upon the Patriots. But was this really that big of a deal? So they videotaped the other team’s defensive signals? So what? Had the cameraman been sitting in the stands or in the press-box or anywhere else, it would’ve been perfectly legal. So where’s the competitive advantage? Former coaches Bill Cowher and Jimmy Johnson both said they used to do this kind of stuff all the time - either with video or by simply writing the signals down. So who cares?
#9-The people who think the Patriots “running up the score” is a big deal: Again, allow me to reiterate - I hate the Patriots. But there is no such thing as “running up the score” in professional sports. It doesn’t exist. It’s impossible for a team to exhibit a “lack of class” by out-scoring an opponent by 50 points. If you’re being paid millions of dollars to play a game, you have no right to complain about what the other team is doing to you. If you don’t want the Patriots to score 60 points, stop them. If you can’t stop them, shut up.
#8-Barbaro fans: Far be it from to criticize the interests of others. I can quote most Seinfeld episodes from memory and I once played NBA Live for 15 straight hours. I’m not what you call a “sophisticated man”. But for crying out loud, he’s a horse!
#7-Chad Pennington: You have a noodle arm. It’s been said a million times, but I’m saying it again. Sure, you’re a “smart” quarterback. You manage the game well. Whatever. I don’t care. You cost us so many wins this year, I honestly lost track. Remember in week one, when you got hurt against the Patriots and everyone at the Meadowlands cheered and the TV announcers were appalled at how heartless Jets fans can be? Count me among that group. When you went down, I was in my living room, standing on my feet, praying to God that you were finished for the season. I hate what you do to me, Chad. I hate the person you make me. You’re probably a real swell guy, and I’m guessing if you lived in Brandon, we could be friends. But I don’t want you anywhere near my football team ever again.
#6-Brandon Bobcats head coach Mike Raimbault: Yeah, Mike, you’re on the list. I’ve got a real problem with you. Me and Larks have been begging for a sideline outburst all season long, and you’ve given us nothing. Nothing! You’re always so calm and cool and collected, strutting around like a man who’s got his crap together. Well, I call poppycock. And how about giving us a quote sometime? Tell us how you really feel! None of this “we played good, we got out in transition, we were able to execute” garbage. Tell it like it is! Just once I want to hear you say, “I’m surprised we only won by 30 points. I’m the best coach ever.”
#5-Steely McBeam:
The new Pittsburgh Steelers mascot was plucked directly from this scene. Tim Hardaway hates him. But give the organization credit: when you create a mascot, you have to choose a figure that your fan base can identify with. Pittsburgh fans work hard, and they play hard.
#4-The CIS: I already ranted ad nauseum about your absurd decision to grant Carleton* three straight Final 8 berths.
#3-The people who run “Sportscentre” on TSN: In Canada, a person only has three choices when it comes to sports highlights on TV – the Score, Sportsnet, and TSN. Because my cable provider doesn’t carry the score in HD, I rarely go there for anything. Because Sportsnet sucks, I never go there for anything. That leaves TSN. Canada’s so-called “sports leader”. To be fair, I like some of your personalities. You show a lot of NFL games. You’ve got PTI. But Sportscentre… Sportscentre, I can’t handle. Thanks to your obsessive love for the Toronto Maple Leaves and the obnoxious parade of personalities you trot out night after night (Jay Onrait being the exception… I like him), I’ve officially sworn off your sad, little show. I now get my highlights online. Do I need 50 minutes of hockey coverage every night? No, I do not.
#2-The play-by-play guy working the USC/Stanford game: Absoutely and utterly inexecusable. You got to witness one of the greatest upset in college football history, and you botched the call worse than any call in the history of sports broadcasting. I don’t what your name is, and I don’t want to know. You should have been fired on the spot.
#1-Saskatchewan Roughrider fans: Yeah, you won the Grey Cup. So what? You beat a Winnipeg Blue Bombers team that was missing its starting quarterback. How impressive. Your first string players are 4-points better than Winnipeg’s second string players. Congratulations. Yet you people treated the Grey Cup victory like it was the greatest moment of your lives. Granted, you’re from Saskatchewan, so it probably was the greatest moment of your lives, but still. Show some class, some dignity, some pride. I’m not necessarily wishing this particular fate upon your sorry souls… actually, yes, that’s exactly what I’m wishing for. Now go back to playing your banjo’s and dating your cousins and harvesting your wheat.
Happy Festivus, everyone!
As was mentioned in the inaugural podcast, I have a slight crush on the New York Jets. I think they are awesome. Except for their defense. And their offense. Both of those things are quite weak. Everything else about the Jets, I love.
There are two things I dislike about professional football. The first thing is the CFL. What a cute little league that is, what with it’s three downs and rewards for missing a field goal and all. The second thing is the New England Patriots. The Jets play in the same division as them, they’ve won three Superbowls in the past six years, and their coach/quarterback/star receiver don’t make awkward cameos on Sesame Street.
I loathe the Patriots.
And yet… I find myself rooting for them as they continue their march towards perfection. It defies all logic. It’s like God deciding to root for the devil, except in this case, the devil is impossibly attractive and dating a supermodel. I watch the Patriots week in and week out, and my brain understands and acknowledges that I hate them and want them to lose… but deep down, inexplicably, my heart is pulling for them to win.
(Semi-related Seinfeld quote: “I mean, I know it’s the wrong thing to do, I know it’s wrong, but I can’t get that hand off my leg! I mean, I’m looking at the hand, thinking that hand should not be on my leg, but I can’t get my brain to make my mouth to say the words, ‘Would you mind?’”)
Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. This is not sports bigamy. I don’t “like” the Patriots. They’re not my 2nd favorite team. If the Jets were 10-4 right now, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But that’s not the case. The Jets are 3-11. It’s been one of the most depressing NFL seasons in recent memory for me. I have nothing left to look forward to… except the chance to witness history.
I want the Patriots to beat the Steelers in the second round of the play-offs (though that game poses as much of a threat to the Pats as RMC does to the U of W at the Wesmen Classic next week). I want them to crush Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship game. I want them to stomp all over Brett Favre (my girlfriend’s-crush-du-jour) in the Superbowl. I want 19-0, baby!
And now I want to throw up.
Heavens to Betsy, I love sports.
– To be fair, Larkins used to do this kind of stuff all the time…
– We can’t be the only two people on the planet excited for this movie, can we?
– Say what you will about Frank Caliendo, but his impression of Charles Barkley is astounding.
– Canadian basketball players are funny, toothless.
– This is far more damaging than anything contained in the Mitchell Report.
– Speaking of steroids, who knew that one of our favorite 90210 stars was on the juice?!
– An exclusive sneak peak at the gameplan my beloved New York Jets will be implementing this Sunday.
– This is probably a good note to end on.
A look at the first half of the CIS men’s basketball season; an interview with Brandon Bobcats head coach Mike Raimbault; a how-to-guide on choosing a favorite NFL team; plus… thoughts on Bon Jovi and “Don’t Forget The Lyrics.”
Two guys who love sports, almost more than women...
