So The Scrum folks picked three of the four semifinalists with only Brock spoiling our perfect record in the first round. Here’s a final synopsis of Day 1:

For those who didn’t see it, the Brock-Brandon game had all the aesthetic appeal of a four-year-old vomiting on a rug. The Badgers were egregious from the perimeter for about 32 minutes of the game, the Bobcats routinely took awful shots, especially late when trying to mop up the mess they made of their late eight-point lead, and both teams chased after loose balls sporting the same quickness as an offensive lineman in cement shoes. It was — and this was widely agreed upon — an utter disappointment and the worst game of the day, considering that it had the potential to be one of the best.

Both teams were playing holiday basketball and the Badgers just happened to creep out of their hole for long enough, and at the right time, as opposed to the Bobcats who played their worst game in over a year, roughly 360-some days prior when they deficated the bed in a loss to the Wesmen in the 2006 final. This was worse.

 Calgary came out firing and showed that it was the team to beat far and away with its effort against No. 2-ranked Acadia. The Axemen got down early and found the struggle to come back from 20 down too much of a burden, even though they had three quarters to do it. The Axemen can’t shoot free throws well, but the talent is there to consider them among the tops in Canada. Whether No. 2 is the right spot for them (ed note: it isn’t), can be debated, but Acadia won’t be a cakewalk for many teams. The Dinos just made their move a lot earlier and the Axemen never got back into it.

In the third game of the night, the Wesmen expectedly took care of the RMC Paladins but they weren’t impressive doing it. Winnipeg’s 10-point halftime lead didn’t inspire confidence and the Paladins, who brought just eight players to the fight, had a few chances to bring it closer. In the end, Winnipeg was good enough, and that’s all you can say really. This isn’t a win that will be measured in the Wesmen history books and U of W will have a tough time with a pretty decent Minot team in today’s semifinal.

Speaking of the Beavers, they got by Manitoba by a slim margin in an 80-70 win in the final game of the night. Today’s semi with Winnipeg will be interesting because the Wesmen will have a larger — and presumably more interested — crowd behind them and they always seem to find a way into the final of their own tournament. Winnipeg could have basically put on cruise control and won against RMC, and it basically did with everyone getting pretty good minutes. Against Minot, however, the physicality should be a bigger issue. Winnipeg zoned up on the Paladins most of the game and undoubtedly that was a game in which the Wesmen felt they could try to work on some things. We know Erfan Nasajpour, Matt Opalko and Dan Shynkaryk can contribute in the ways they’re expected to, but when starting SG Nick Lother decides he wants to be a part of the festivities and the Wesmen get some contributions from someone other than their three vets, then we can talk about Winnipeg. If that happens today, great. But clearly the supporting cast has to take some of the onus for this team to be better.

A few names who stood out on Day 1: Owen White (Brock, 20 pts, 6 reb.); Nicolas Cooke (RMC, 19 pts, 16 reb.);  Erfan Nasajpour (Winnipeg, 18 pts, 6 steals, 9-for-13); Matt Witwer (Minot, 28 pts, 11 reb, 5 ast); Aaron Patterson (Minot, 20 pts, 8 reb, 7 OR); Darcy Coss (Manitoba, 23 pts, 6 reb, 40 mp); Henry Bekkering (Calgary, 18 pts, 7 reb); Robbie Sihota (Calgary, 16 pts, 9 reb); Jeff Price (Calgary, 14 pts, 9 ast); Leonel Saintil (Acadia, 19 pts, 7 reb).

Final: Winnipeg 80, RMC 56.

Cooke finishes with 19 points and 16 rebounds, two shy of the tournament record of 18 set in 1985.

6:55 — 21-9 after one quarter and that’s all I can take. But I will give some love to RMC forward Nicolas Cooke, a 6-foot-9 freshman from Toronto. Lanky, to be sure, but a guy who has a bit of a perimeter game and is far and away the best player on the floor for the Paladins. Hopefully for RMC, he’s there for the next five years. He’ll be a good one.

6:47 — Winnipeg’s Duckworth Centre is about half full. Also, I could be studying for an exam in this atmosphere. It’s not exactly, shall we say, ‘electric.’

6:43 — Free throws from Dan Shynkaryk ups the Winnipeg lead to 12-7 and since there is nothing else to talk about right now with this game, allow me to make a note on the side: The Los Angeles Lakers are officially better than the Phoenix Suns. With a full roster, and Andrew Bynum playing well, there’s no way the Suns beat LA in a seven-game series if we played it right now. We couldn’t say this previously but the young big man is officially one of the top three or four big men in the NBA. Now. No more waiting.

6:40 — Hang on, stop the presses. A three puts RMC back in fron…. oh, no Winnipeg leads again.

6:39 — Matt Opalko puts Winnipeg up with an insurmountable 4-2 advantage. Also, we’re 1:30 into the game.

6:38 — RMC hits the first basket. Don’t expect that to last lon…. oh, there it goes. 2-2.

6:36 — Wes Lee Coyote, the Wesmen mascot, just met up with a young Manitoba Bisons fan in the stands here prior to tip off and the fan responded by hoisting his Bisons t-shirt and flaunting it in front of the fans and Wes Lee. I feel sorry for him because I don’t think he knows what he’s doing. He’ll look back on that moment one day and wonder as well.

6:31 — I’m gonna be honest with you here, folks: I’m not staying around for ths entire game. I can’t do it. I do have a life, y’know and this is a volunteer gig here, so you’ll pardon me for going on hiatus and seeing you back here tomorrow. If anything remotely noteworthy happens in this game — and trust me, it won’t — then I’ll be sure to check in with updates.

4:20 — Calgary 79, Acadia 69 final.

4:12 — As much as they’ve tried to throw this away, the Axemen are still hanging in trailing 74-61 with three to go.

4:05 —The Axemen can’t help themselves. They’ve been stagnant on the offensive end, haven’t shot free throws particularly well and every time they look poised to make a run it stops before it starts. Tyler Fidler’s J just put Calgary back up by 20 with six minutes to go. Calgary 70-50.

4:02 — If any other media outlets were actually here and taking photos of the tournament (and of course it’s Canada so there isn’t), then Ross Bekkering just had a poster shot sealing in the low post and two-handing over Peter Leighton. Only, of course, it was an offensive foul before the dunk. Only, it wasn’t. Go CIS go. Also, I feel better about my dunk competition prediction after that. Yikes

3:43 — The Axemen have started the second half the way they started the first: Watching the Dinos hit shots over them. Calgary has opened with a 12-2 run and stretched its lead to 56-36 with 6:41 to play in the third.

3:37 — From the first half: Calgary shot 56.7 per cent from the field and got 13 points from Henry Bekkering and 1 points from Ross Bekkering. Leonel Saintil had 10 points to lead the Axemen who shot 36.8 per cent from the field.

3:23 — Credit to the Axemen: They held the Dinos to 11 points in the second quarter and have got the Calgary lead down to 44-34 at the half. See you in the second…

3:15 — Acadia starting to play better on the defensive end, has stuck a few shots and gone on a run to cut the lead to 40-29, it’s a 16-7 run with 3:33 remaining.

3:12 — Bekkering was just fouled on a lay up and it was good, yet they didn’t give him the and-1 on it. A ref conference didn’t make the call right. But Bekkering still shot free throws. So, the foul was on a shot that was good, but yet the basket was waved off and he shot two FTs. A gathering of off-duty refs behind us explained the call as it was a two-part movement from Bekkering, hence the no basket. Also, no one in the gym believes a word they just said. God bless the CIS sometimes.

3:07 — Anyone remember the Acadia Axemen debut at the national championship tournament back in March? Remember how well that went over? Well summon those memories now. It’s 33-13 Calgary one minute into the second and the Axemen are not at all looking like a team supposedly No. 2 in the nation.

3:02 — Bekkering has started off with 10 first-quarter points and the Dinos are running away early with a 29-13 lead after one.

2:56 — Just have been informed that Henry Bekkering will not be in the dunk competition and instead his brother Ross will represent Calgary. By the way, that’s still a pretty darn good entry and my early pick to win.

2:52 — The disease we saw the opening game afflicted with has not hit the Calgary Dinos, who have started off shooting the ball pretty well here in the early goings. The Dinos sport a 14-9 lead with Henry Bekkering hitting his first shots of the game, including a game-opening three. Four minutes remain in the first quarter.

2:41 — A 74-66 win for Brock and we’re just about set to start with Acadia and Calgary here in the second game of the day.2:03 — Brock is finding its stroke. Kemp hit another three to put Brock up 58-53 with 5:30 to go and Murray followed that on the next trip to put the Badgers up eight with BU taking a timeout and struggling in the halfcourt.

1:59 — Back-to-back threes for the Badgers, an 8-0 run, and Brock has a 51-49 lead.

1:55 — End of three and the Bobcats 49-43.

1:54 — Just had it pointed out to me, again, how big an idiot I am. I credited Yul Michel with only four years in Brandon but it’s been five. I forget that I too have been in Brandon for five years and he’s been there the whole time. I’m a complete fool.

1:45 — Brock timeout and not sure what you draw up in the huddle for a team that simply can’t hit a shot. Brandon is brutal from the field as well but at least the Bobcats have gotten some lay-ups. My uninformed opinion? Please, for the love of all humanity, try to get the ball in the lane.

1:42 — The Badgers just had a trip with three three-point attempts missed — all open looks off offensive rebounds — and trail 35-29. I’d be worried if I was a follower of the Badgers right now. Being down at this point is not a good spot. They’ve missed the first five threes attempted in the third quarter so, if you’re scoring at home, that’s 4-for-25.

1:38 —Celebrities in attendance include former Winnipeg Wesmen guard Ryan Roper who has told The Scrum he has made a verbal to play for Cape Breton next season.

First half stats aren’t pretty: The Badgers shot 4-for-20 from three and 31 per cent from the field. Brandon wasn’t much better going 37 per cent from the field and 1-for-7 from three. Hartman has nine points and Charlery 8. Kemp’s 10 leads Brock.

1:21 — We’re at half here folks with Adam Hartman’s up-and-under lay-up with 10 seconds left standing as the difference. Brandon 29-27. The Bobcats have to like where they are considering they haven’t played a good first half and have a two-point lead. Meanwhile, Brock has to find its stroke in the second half because the assumption would be the Bobcats will make a run at some point here in the final 20.

1:19 — White, the long inside post for the Badgers, just picked up foul No. 3.

1:17 — After the Bobcats had taken a five point lead, Rootes knocks down a step back three to make it 26-24 for the Cats. Rootes has struggled when matched up with the longer and quicker Charlery. But when he gets a match up with someone like Tokar he’s been better.

1:14 — Whyms with a putback and Brandon takes its first lead at 22-21 with 3:19 remaining.

1:05 — Tokar just hit Brandon’s first three two trips after Rootes hit for Brock, 17-15, but Kemp responds with one of his own for Brock, 20-15 Badgers.

1:00 — End of the first quarter and the holiday ball is in full force with the Badgers up 12-10. Brock has had its fair share of open looks and has struggled from the three, hitting just its first shot from distance. Brandon, meanwhile, has been forced into more of a halfcourt game and anyone who has watched the Bobcats this season knows that is not a good spot for them.

12:54 — Michel just picked up foul No. 2 for Brandon and the Badgers lead 12-6 at the seven minute mark.

12:41 — Bobcats start Yul Michel, Dany Charlery, Tarik Tokar, Adam Hartman, and Stevens Marcelin. Badgers counter with Brad Rootes, Scott Murray, Owen White, Dusty Bianchin and Mike Kemp

12:32 — About eight minutes to tip off between Brock and Brandon after the junior varsity final in the high school portion of the tournament just wrapped up. No word on whether the JV champion this year graduates up to play Winnipeg in the first round next year.

Just received a media guide from Brock head coach Ken Murray, which was his subtle way of saying “learn up on our team.” Murray, who has been at Brock since well before the school’s last football championship, pointed out my misguided opinions on his team on yesterday’s podcast. The Badgers have added 6-foot-8 post Michael Muir, a former Ontario provincial teamer who has joined the Badgers for the second half of the season. Ken has gotten used to my apologies over the years, so no need to do that again. I still have Brandon by 10 in this one, however. Another note, the Badgers will play without Rohan Steen, a significant loss but one they’ve been used to this season, while the Bobcats will be suiting up Yuri Whyms for the first time since October.

Hey folks,

 We’re about 40 minutes from tip-off of the first game of the Wesmen Classic. Just to let you know that we’ll be doing updates as up to the minute as possible here, so keep refreshing the screen.

A preview of the 41st annual Wesmen Classic; David J. Larkins on location in Winnipeg; plus, the nation’s fastest growing media sensation - “Blindside” - featuring thoughts on the World Junior Hockey Championship, the Soulja Boy craze, the reckless driving habits of Mischa and Topanga… and a question for the ages: Yul Michel or Erfan Nasajpour?

 

 Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Just a couple of hours away — in Central time — from it officially being Dec. 25 and, from what I hear, Christmas falls on the 25th this year, so I’m going to honour the birth of Santa with a few of my Christmas wishes. In honour of the 25th, here’s counting down the 25 things I am really wishing for, live from a Scrum satellite office in Winnipeg:

25. I truly do try to play it down the middle when covering the Brandon Bobcats basketball and volleyball teams, but you’re fooling yourself if you think that when you follow a certain group of people for extended periods of time (for me it’s a minimum of seventh months every year for the past five years) you’re going to remain utterly and entirely unbiased to their actions, or always be emotionally separated. That’s bull. With that said, I’ve lambasted the women’s basketball program on occasion in the past on air and in our pages of the Brandon Sun, so here’s a wish for the Bobcats to finally get a win and start turning the ship in the right direction.

24. Furtherto that, here’s a wish for the volleyball programs to crack the post-season for the first time, especially if it means me getting another trip out of my job. (I joke… sort of.)

23. I also wish for Ottawa to prove its naysayers wrong when the capital city hosts the CIS men’s basketball championship in March. Many who were against the move — and let’s be honest some people just hate the idea of it not being in Halifax — are convinced the new host will be a magnificent failure because of certain logistical dilemmas that don’t appear to be getting changed any time soon. An arena in Kanata with most hotels 20 minutes away in Ottawa is just one gripe. For the sake of the tournament itself, here’s to Ottawa pulling it off with skeptics at least approaching the weekend with an open mind.

22(a). A wish for those Ottawa/Carleton boosters to finally stop arguing their case like it makes sense for the Ravens to earn automatic berths to the next three nationals. You can’t even truly believe it when you say it, and we don’t believe you’re saying it. So please, stop. Now.

22(b). A wish for all those who hate the auto-berth thing so much to finally shut the hell up about it and just accept it as it is. We’ll drop it if you do.

20. I wish Henry Bekkering enters the Wesmen Classic dunk competition this week. We’ve seen it before at the Classic comp, players are resting for games or coaches are fearing injury and the best of the best doesn’t always enroll. Bekkering needs to be in this thing if only because pantheon-level dunking performances aren’t often seen around these parts and he’s a guy we know can bring it. I’m not budging on this.

19. I wish that Jeremy Sawatzky would get his priorities straight. His gushing about the New England Patriots, at the best of times, would be disagreeable enough, but to actually publicly pull for a team that is in your beloved team’s division? If the Baltimore Ravens were doing the same thing, you’d better believe every black and gold inch of my Pittsburgh Steelers heart would be palpitating with vitriol towards my hated rivals. I’d even induce a heart arrhythmia if I thought the fluctuating beats would throw them off their rhythm. I almost had to take an editor’s pen to the paragraph of his recent post and strike it from the record. Note: Sawatzky’s thoughts are not necessarily those of The Scrum, The Scrum Corp., Inc., The Scrum Investments or, the parent company, Valutrex Pharmaceuticals.

18. I wish the New England Patriots lose in the playoffs in a most agonizing fashion.

17. I wish the University of North Carolina would paint its basketball court so you could actually see the lines on the floor.

16. I wish Jennifer Hedger would stop talking that way. Seriously. Stop it. In fact, I want the Sports Guy Voice banned. I want broadcasting schools to start teaching a course on NOT talking that way, the unnatural oscillating vocals that are inherent to TV sportscasters and TV sportscasters alone. No one else talks that way, and you’re not allowed to either. The Score’s Steve Kouleas, we’re looking at you too.

15. I want TSN’s Off the Record to, just for once, talk about one other sport. Actually, scratch that. No one watches that show anyway and if you do you already know you’re dumber for having seen it.

14. I wish Kobe Bryant could remain happy as a Los Angeles Laker.

13. I wish more people would comment on our blogs and podcasts.

12. Now that she’s done her university career, I wish Sarah Pavan would play for our national women’s volleyball team.

11. I wish someone would give Basketball Canada a do-over on its managing of the senior men’s head coaching position. I wish, furthermore, that Basketball Canada had a lot of do-overs.

10. I wish someone would tell me who has the CFL rights to East Carolina running back Chris Johnson. The Pirates burner ran for 223 yards in the Hawaii Bowl and set a bowl record with 408 all-purpose yards but, at 5-foot-10 and 200 pounds, he might not be NFL big. But dude can skate: He runs a 4.39 40 and playing at a juggernaut like ECU might mean he slips through the cracks and winds up in Canada, namely in a place called Winnipeg (wishful thinking).

9. I wish someone would post on YouTube the NFL Network’s slam-poetry intros to its Thursday Night Football telecasts. I don’t care if someone hates them, I love ’em.

8. I wish someone actually made an issue out of the fact Bol Kong is playing college ball in Canada. It’s the equivalent of a 16-year-old Sidney Crosby playing for the Tuscaloosa Ice Pirates midget team, but we live in Canada so no one cares or asks why, or how, far and away the best talent on this side of the border is playing in a league that serves as a feeder to the CIS.

7. I wish Future Shop would stop airing that commercial of the emo boy singing a song in a tone only dogs should be able to hear. While we’re here, I wish MADD would stop the baby crying commercial. It keeps waking me up.

6. I wish someone would find Namugenyi Kiwanuka and put her back on the air.

5. I wish people who produced basketball-related TV shows didn’t insist their on-air talent — even though they don’t have an ounce of street in them — still speak with a contrived slang. I’m aware there’s an edginess and street aspect to basketball. I’m aware hip hop is involved. I’m aware of all of this. I’m fine with it. I’m not fine with you trotting out someone who doesn’t represent any of this and then try to convince us that they can pull it off, to horrible results. Is finding people who are comfortable in their own skin really becoming that difficult?

4. I wish the Buffalo Bills had beaten the N.Y. Giants with Kevin Everett back in the stadium. I also wish the Buffalo Bills had made Kevin Everett available to the media or, at least, wish the media had explained in its stories why he wasn’t made available to the media.

3. I wish I didn’t have to pretend that I have an interest in curling. I don’t. I’m sorry Canada. I have friends who curl, I think they’re great people and I wish them well in their ice bowling. But, try as I might, I can’t contain my deep-seeded hatred for the game.

2. I wish, when I say things like “I don’t like curling,” people wouldn’t respond with “oh, that’s just because you don’t understand it.” Yes, I do understand it and I still don’t like it. I also don’t like fingernails grinding against a chalkboard, but it’s not because I don’t appreciate it on as many levels as you, it’s because I find it loathsome.

1(a). I wish championships upon all the teams I cheer for and, failing that, wish I never lose the feeling of “this is going to be our year.”

1(b). I wish you all the best of the season and hope you don’t feel your holiday was ruined by having read this.

–

FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way!

KRAMER: What happened to the doll?

FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!

–

As Frank Costanza would later reveal, the celebration of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. Traditionally, this takes place at the family dinner; you gather your family around, and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. We here at The Scrum don’t have a family dinner, but that didn’t stop me from creating a list of the top 15 sports people/organizations I had a problem with in 2007:

(Please note that most of these entries are drenched in copious amounts of sarcasm.)

#15-Kobe Bryant: You, sir, are pathetic. You want to be traded, you don’t want to be traded. You hate your teammates, you love your teammates. Sure, everything is nice and rosy now, but we all know it’s coming. It might happen after a 5-game losing streak in mid-January. It might happen a first round play-off exit, when one of the upper echelon Western Conference teams wipes the floor with your sorry face. We don’t know the time or the place, but we do know that your next hissy fit is a foregone conclusion. You, Kobe Bryant, are the worst teammate in the history of the NBA. You make me sick.

#14-Tim Donaghy: You’re on the list not because of your cheating scandal, per se, but because your cheating scandal gave my brother - who hates the NBA - joke-making material for years to come. Granted, your indiscretion did lead to a fantastic reference on my favorite (current) TV show, but that doesn’t make up for what you did. (1:20 into clip)

#13-Chris Myers: Most of my friends would rather watch the WNBA than listen to your in-game reports, but I never had a real problem with you. Until this happened.

#12-NFL coaches who call last-second time-outs to ice field goal kickers: I’m looking at you, Mike Shanahan. You too, Dick Jauron. The ‘last-second time-out that negates a dramatic game-winning field goal’ is the single worst thing to happen to the NFL since FOX started superimposing that giant ‘down & yardage’ graphic on the field prior to every snap. I hate that graphic.

#11-Tim Hardaway: Apparently, there is something wrong with that. At least according to you. It’s one thing to have a quiet, passive disdain for homosexuals (ie. Tony Dungy). But did you really say, “I hate gay people.” That was the wording you chose? To quote Brian Fantana, “Why don’t you stop talking for a while?”

#10-The people who think “SpyGate” is a big deal: Look, I’ve made it perfectly clear that I hate New England. Nothing on God’s white earth could make me happier than for eternal shame to fall upon the Patriots. But was this really that big of a deal? So they videotaped the other team’s defensive signals? So what? Had the cameraman been sitting in the stands or in the press-box or anywhere else, it would’ve been perfectly legal. So where’s the competitive advantage? Former coaches Bill Cowher and Jimmy Johnson both said they used to do this kind of stuff all the time - either with video or by simply writing the signals down. So who cares?

#9-The people who think the Patriots “running up the score” is a big deal: Again, allow me to reiterate - I hate the Patriots. But there is no such thing as “running up the score” in professional sports. It doesn’t exist. It’s impossible for a team to exhibit a “lack of class” by out-scoring an opponent by 50 points. If you’re being paid millions of dollars to play a game, you have no right to complain about what the other team is doing to you. If you don’t want the Patriots to score 60 points, stop them. If you can’t stop them, shut up.

#8-Barbaro fans: Far be it from to criticize the interests of others. I can quote most Seinfeld episodes from memory and I once played NBA Live for 15 straight hours. I’m not what you call a “sophisticated man”. But for crying out loud, he’s a horse!

#7-Chad Pennington: You have a noodle arm. It’s been said a million times, but I’m saying it again. Sure, you’re a “smart” quarterback. You manage the game well. Whatever. I don’t care. You cost us so many wins this year, I honestly lost track. Remember in week one, when you got hurt against the Patriots and everyone at the Meadowlands cheered and the TV announcers were appalled at how heartless Jets fans can be? Count me among that group. When you went down, I was in my living room, standing on my feet, praying to God that you were finished for the season. I hate what you do to me, Chad. I hate the person you make me. You’re probably a real swell guy, and I’m guessing if you lived in Brandon, we could be friends. But I don’t want you anywhere near my football team ever again.

#6-Brandon Bobcats head coach Mike Raimbault: Yeah, Mike, you’re on the list. I’ve got a real problem with you. Me and Larks have been begging for a sideline outburst all season long, and you’ve given us nothing. Nothing! You’re always so calm and cool and collected, strutting around like a man who’s got his crap together. Well, I call poppycock. And how about giving us a quote sometime? Tell us how you really feel! None of this “we played good, we got out in transition, we were able to execute” garbage. Tell it like it is! Just once I want to hear you say, “I’m surprised we only won by 30 points. I’m the best coach ever.”

#5-Steely McBeam:

The new Pittsburgh Steelers mascot was plucked directly from this scene. Tim Hardaway hates him. But give the organization credit: when you create a mascot, you have to choose a figure that your fan base can identify with. Pittsburgh fans work hard, and they play hard.

#4-The CIS: I already ranted ad nauseum about your absurd decision to grant Carleton* three straight Final 8 berths.

#3-The people who run “Sportscentre” on TSN: In Canada, a person only has three choices when it comes to sports highlights on TV – the Score, Sportsnet, and TSN. Because my cable provider doesn’t carry the score in HD, I rarely go there for anything. Because Sportsnet sucks, I never go there for anything. That leaves TSN. Canada’s so-called “sports leader”. To be fair, I like some of your personalities. You show a lot of NFL games. You’ve got PTI. But Sportscentre… Sportscentre, I can’t handle. Thanks to your obsessive love for the Toronto Maple Leaves and the obnoxious parade of personalities you trot out night after night (Jay Onrait being the exception… I like him), I’ve officially sworn off your sad, little show. I now get my highlights online. Do I need 50 minutes of hockey coverage every night? No, I do not.

#2-The play-by-play guy working the USC/Stanford game: Absoutely and utterly inexecusable. You got to witness one of the greatest upset in college football history, and you botched the call worse than any call in the history of sports broadcasting. I don’t what your name is, and I don’t want to know. You should have been fired on the spot.

#1-Saskatchewan Roughrider fans: Yeah, you won the Grey Cup. So what? You beat a Winnipeg Blue Bombers team that was missing its starting quarterback. How impressive. Your first string players are 4-points better than Winnipeg’s second string players. Congratulations. Yet you people treated the Grey Cup victory like it was the greatest moment of your lives. Granted, you’re from Saskatchewan, so it probably was the greatest moment of your lives, but still. Show some class, some dignity, some pride. I’m not necessarily wishing this particular fate upon your sorry souls… actually, yes, that’s exactly what I’m wishing for. Now go back to playing your banjo’s and dating your cousins and harvesting your wheat.

Happy Festivus, everyone!

This is from the 2005-06 season.

David Larkins has an astute eye when it comes to the tanning habits of other men.

As was mentioned in the inaugural podcast, I have a slight crush on the New York Jets. I think they are awesome. Except for their defense. And their offense. Both of those things are quite weak. Everything else about the Jets, I love.

There are two things I dislike about professional football. The first thing is the CFL. What a cute little league that is, what with it’s three downs and rewards for missing a field goal and all. The second thing is the New England Patriots. The Jets play in the same division as them, they’ve won three Superbowls in the past six years, and their coach/quarterback/star receiver don’t make awkward cameos on Sesame Street.

I loathe the Patriots.

And yet… I find myself rooting for them as they continue their march towards perfection. It defies all logic. It’s like God deciding to root for the devil, except in this case, the devil is impossibly attractive and dating a supermodel. I watch the Patriots week in and week out, and my brain understands and acknowledges that I hate them and want them to lose… but deep down, inexplicably, my heart is pulling for them to win.

(Semi-related Seinfeld quote: “I mean, I know it’s the wrong thing to do, I know it’s wrong, but I can’t get that hand off my leg! I mean, I’m looking at the hand, thinking that hand should not be on my leg, but I can’t get my brain to make my mouth to say the words, ‘Would you mind?’”)

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. This is not sports bigamy. I don’t “like” the Patriots. They’re not my 2nd favorite team. If the Jets were 10-4 right now, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But that’s not the case. The Jets are 3-11. It’s been one of the most depressing NFL seasons in recent memory for me. I have nothing left to look forward to… except the chance to witness history.

I want the Patriots to beat the Steelers in the second round of the play-offs (though that game poses as much of a threat to the Pats as RMC does to the U of W at the Wesmen Classic next week). I want them to crush Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship game. I want them to stomp all over Brett Favre (my girlfriend’s-crush-du-jour) in the Superbowl. I want 19-0, baby!

And now I want to throw up.

Heavens to Betsy, I love sports.